dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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