I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i believe in u and ur pee
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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