So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
