I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
