It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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