I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
