wakey wakey hands off snakey
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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