Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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