Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
