Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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