I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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