If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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