Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
