Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
