Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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