my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
