Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
