My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
