my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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