I wish life had little blips of pornography
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
