My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
