My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
