I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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