From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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