I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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