ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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