his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
