Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I touched a dick in church today
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
