Sry I called you an 8
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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