Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
