He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up under a house in Key West
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