Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I want her autograph on my taint
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My ass is underappreciated
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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