remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
