just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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