Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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