Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm getting married
To pizza
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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