Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
