ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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