She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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