If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
