I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
