I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Congratulations! We have a period
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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