also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
