Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
