I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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