We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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