I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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