NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
