her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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