your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
