Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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