You made me cry and you don't even care
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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