you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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