I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
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YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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