If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm going to jail i love you
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
