he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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