just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
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I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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