It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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