Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
