saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
