Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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