you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
