You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
