"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
