perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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