Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
